Approaching John Z

Work is beginning this week with John Z. He is fully detoxed and although things haven't been going as smoothly as it could - we are still on firm ground. He does not think so, but John is still at the stage where he does not fully realize the ramification of his commitment. Boy will he be surprised.

I will bring this all up to current time-line and blog as we proceed, but first a little background on John Z. I met John Z about six months ago at a twelve step Fellowship meeting. It was a fairly large meeting considering the norm for the area - well over a hundred - standing room only. It was an ‘open speaker meeting’ which I will describe for the uninitiated at some later point. I honestly do not recall just how exactly I became introduced to John except that perhaps I may have gone right up to him because I learned that he was brand new or at least 'young” in sobriety. That is how I meet most protégées - in meetings. It is the reason I go. That is after all why meetings exist in the first place - so that suffering and yet un-recovered alcoholics can come to meet the recovered alcoholics - in the second place. There the ill can meet the well who are armed with the facts about themselves and who will pass on the common solution that they found - that had similarly been passed on to them.

Most people who are sitting in meetings do not have a dedicated person to help them with the Twelve Step Program, sadly. Approaching such a person can sometimes result in a obtaining a new protégée. Usually you will be told “I have a sponsor” and it is often not true. Either it is a flat out lie or there is someone whom they call “sponsor” floating around somewhere in some chruch basement - but that sponsor has not a clue on how to take that newcomer through the twelve steps and has himself yet to recover from alcoholism as the Program details in the Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous”. Either that or the "sponsor" is telling them to take their time to take the steps and that they will NEVER recover. Where on Gods grey earth do they get that shit anyway?

John did not have a ride home because he had lost his license to DUIs -- of course he had -- but lived nearby in Hyannis not far from my house, coincidentally. We would have some time to talk together in the car. I would begin to run the routine on him - in other words ‘QUALIFY’ him. If I were to devote my time to him, I would need to know whether or not he was a real alcoholic. He might not be. If that were the case I would need to move on to someone I could help. I got to know him a bit. I turns out that he ha been trying to get sober for over twenty years - bouncing in and out of AA meetings and never picked up the twelve step program. He had been “spun dried” umpteen times in various facilities and probably had more experience within the walls of those facilities than many of the counselors and staff who working in them. He knew all the ins and outs because he had been in and out so often. He knew they had their efforts with him had been useless.

I began Step One on him right in the car - conversationally, as is my usual practice in situations such as these. I started telling him my own story being careful to depict the only two aspects of alcoholism that all alcoholics have in common: First, the Mental part - which manifests as an insane obsession to drink at all - and the physical part which manifests in a craving once I did drink. This part comes AFTER the mental portion of the formula has done it’s thing. I gave him my elevator story and then told him of the “Inch of Sweet Red” incident.

I told several stories out of my life which clearly illustrate these. I have given these examples many many times when speaking before groups or conducting Step Workshops or they can probably be found online, somewhere. I think About.com has it, for one place.

Next post: John's Step One reaction - The unexpected happens when John hears the stories?

Peace,

Danny S